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This article is part of the FT Globetrotter’s Guide to London.
Managing a luxury hotel is the greatest job in the world. You never know who or what is going to walk through the door. There we will see the best, worst, strangest and wildest behavior that humanity has to offer. It’s a shame that we are hardly allowed to talk about it (unfortunately one of the rules of hospitality is that what happens in the hallway stays in the hallway).
Here at The Goring, like other luxury hotels in London, we don’t really have all that complicated rules, at least on paper. But here are some of the things that aren’t written about.
Please. . .
. . . Feel free to wear your pajamas to the bar. After all, you should feel at home, so you’re more than welcome to act that way. Depending on the hotel, a bathrobe may be sufficient, but only wear a tight double knot. It’s annoying that insurance footwear is compulsory in hotel public areas and restaurants, but a good pair of slippers will suffice.
. . . Complain! It’s not good for you to cram things in. We would appreciate it if you would give us a chance to fix what went wrong, preferably before you leave. Overcompensating for mistakes is one of the constant attitudes of hospitality professionals. Organizing things gives us a chance to show off and, hopefully, win the affection we all crave (many hotel managers say they can’t get enough affection from mummies). I don’t think I could). If the hotel has every conceivable shampoo, pillow type, and mattress firmness level, the staff will be happy to bring it to you.
. . . Remember you are on vacation. Even if you think of it as work. If you come here with the intention of having a good time, you probably will. Of course, having fun is contagious, so others will benefit as well. Our wonderful guests are especially good at this. It’s too bad I can’t tell you the gruesome story of what they’re up to under the oath of Omerta. Except for the one time I was in the bathroom with this famous actor. . .
. . . human observation. Sitting at a hotel bar and listening to other guests’ conversations is vulgar and boring, and a great way to spend an afternoon. London is home to some of the best hotel watering holes in the world (OWO, The Ritz, The Peninsula rooftop, Broadwick, you name it), so all you need is a generous date or a trust fund.
. . . Take advantage of our concierge services. The weirder the request, the better (but preferably legal). Having a good concierge is one of the biggest benefits of staying at a nice hotel. Whether you need insider information about shops, coffee or restaurants, ideas for entertaining the kids (big or small), or just an embarrassing problem at the pharmacy, this department usually has you covered. Our Head Concierge, Big John, has only one sentence in his job description: “Making customers smile.” Just tell the concierge you’re bored and they’ll sort it out for you.
. . . Show up or call and come up with a good excuse. We hoteliers are anxious and it pains us to stand up, but we understand that travel and dinner plans may change.
Probably not. . .
. . . It makes you miserable (see above). The only solution to inevitable death is to enjoy whatever comes beforehand, preferably with a martini in hand.
. . . Do Twitadvisor/Titter (or whatever they call it these days) and leave a negative review without giving the hotel a chance to improve the situation. Being an internet troll isn’t very glamorous, but as mentioned above, almost everything is fixable.
. . . Wear shorts (unless you are under 12) or, of course, a singlet. Anything else is fine. Please try it. We once performed a wedding for one of our favorite guests, and all the attendees were attractive women who arrived wearing bowler hats and tails. That was great.
Jeremy Goring is CEO of The Goring Hotel in London. He has been managing luxury hotels around the world for 30 years.
What’s the vibe like at your favorite London hotel? Let us know in the comments below. Follow @FTGlobetrotter on Instagram
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