They call it 5-midnight’s, says Annabel Dearing, a senior lawyer at ENBW based in southwest Germany. When she turned 39, she realized she was dear and single, running away to have a child.
She works in the commodity trading house Geneva and “it was busy, busy, busy,” she says. “I always worked hard, played hard, traveled a lot, but I didn’t feel like I really had a purpose,” my friend then suggested that she have a baby.
In 2017, Dearing, 43, joined the single parent class by choice. According to the National Bureau of Statistics, in 2023 there were 3.2mn single-parent families in the UK, with 85% of whom were only mothers.
As more people enter the late 30s and 40s without long-term partners, within that group, they are demographics (mostly women) and choose to embark on parent-child relationships alone.
According to human fertilization and developmental data, the number of single patients receiving fertility treatments, including IVF and donor insemination, in the UK, increased from 305 in 1999 to 4,660 in 2022.
Victoria Pratt, a senior lecturer at Oxford Brooks University, says single and female same-sex couples are two demographics that keep the UK’s fertility decline rate.
For “solo parents” (a term used to describe people who choose to raise their children without collaborators), the challenges of balancing work and family life are particularly severe. They need to rely on one income, be flexible when they are beyond the hours, pick up school, or something goes wrong, and bear all child care costs.
“You can’t fail with solo parents,” says Ruth Talbot, who runs the rights of the group’s single parent while raising three children alone.
Michelle Highman, CEO of Money Charity, chose to choose two children, now five and seven, without a partner. Her charity focused on financial education will carry out policies from anywhere, with Hyman splitting four-day week in five days.
However, she says it’s important to acknowledge that Solo’s parents have restrictions. “You literally can’t be in two places at the same time so that two parents can have a family.”
The flexibility of remote work has also helped Dearing, who joined ENBW in 2022 and currently has two children. She can work on the energy trade she loves while dealing with family life.
Other professional single mothers say they can rely on individual managers and succumb to suit their needs. “I’m very fortunate in that my boss is very flexible, very empowering and trusting,” reports the full-time FTSE 100 HR director, a single mother of two children. “I don’t think you can make it work without your boss or the culture of that company.”
Anna Diaman, who welcomed children in 2021, works as vice principal at a primary school in south London four days a week. She combines being at school with some homework that is allowed to schedule and do business with.
It was helpful that her principal was flexible. “I think it also makes a difference with having the boss she had to consider her own parenting and how it would affect her job,” Diamant says. “That understanding filters to how we manage our staff.”
However, when fitted with work and care, it demands sacrifices, such as working extensively outside of normal times. Diamant tends to work on Saturday and Sunday evenings, and is HR Director in the evenings when the kids are in bed. I am dear to either work on holidays, Fridays, or pay for a babysitter on Sundays. “I’m being pulled in so many different directions, and I’m always paying to have a sanity and have a breathing space,” she says.
Without the option to “shift parenting” with your partner, you can earn parenting costs quickly. At one point, Diamant says she was paying twice as much a mortgage for childcare. Half of her salary is caring and helpful. The HR director said 41% of monthly salary checks cost two many nursery fees. Night events, overnight work trips, and emergency childcare on sick days are additional costs.
According to a Pratt investigation, some employers are trying to help, such as providing childcare assistance in emergencies or out-of-hours. However, this is challenging for parents who feel an obligation to use it, or for children who don’t want to look after strangers. “It can make you feel very uncomfortable, as you can invite people who don’t know you’re coming and looking after your kids and go out to work events in the evening,” she says.
There is also the risk of a major impact on career progression if you can’t easily take on extra tasks and events. The HR director doesn’t believe being a solo mom “still” harmed her career. However, her inability to take on the extra project and attend an evening drink means she is “invisible.”
Dearing also talks about “voluntary ceilings.” She was able to chase after the head of partnerships and legal status and “outsource everything to the nanny.” However, she chooses not to want to be “emotionally and physically available” for her children.
Sarah Lambert, policy director for Gingerbread, a charity for single parents, says employers are responsible for “people who don’t make their workplaces single and friendly are missing out on a huge pool of talent.”
“But people become single parents, but their support needs are the same,” she adds. “Studies show that it’s not a family form, it’s the support and resources available.”
According to Dearing, “How much are your kids wanted and loved? Unless you really, really, really want it, you won’t get into all of this trouble.”
