Why workplace anger is misunderstood

Hello, please let it work.

I have found it difficult to get caught up in a good book for the past few weeks. Perhaps we have all committed the guilt of late-night counterfeiting? I hope there will be a novel about “it” this summer. It’s a word-of-mouth hit that keeps readers away from the dark news agenda. Last year, the title was Miranda All Four in July. About the artist blowing her life away for something more exciting. I loved it. (It’s in the paperback.)

Send me your summer recommendations: “it” novel, podcast, television series, or a book of leadership and self-development suitable for IT working on it. What do you take on your holidays? Print your readers’ choices in the summer. In the meantime, check out the FT expert picks at the Summer Book Special.

PS I have achieved my long-standing ambitions of creating FT videos and attending DO lectures in Wales. (Please send me a message if you’re going!) My colleague Bethan Staton writes a newsletter.

As always, I’m at iSabel.berwick@ft.com (my boundaries are poor) 😳.

Everyone is angry. And that’s a good thing

Anger at work can be corrosive. We know that only one outright angry person in the team can derail the unity and effectiveness of the group, and take away all others of silence and responsiveness. However, according to Sam Parker, author of Good Anger: How Rethinking Rage Changes Our Life, the dynamics of that team are relatively rare. “Unpleasant bullies have been culturally dissatisfied for a long time. The much more common anger dysfunction I see at work is passive aggression. If you’re at a meeting and someone is mad, you won’t say anything to them, but you’ll go straight to your friends to slap them 👀.”

Sam’s book asks you to view anger differently. First, we need to understand that the purpose is to “leave towards the changes we need to make in our lives.” I’ve never framed it that way. Sam, a GQ journalist, wrote the book after finding his life as if he had suppressed his anxiety and anger (as he discovered). When we spoke, one of the key insights he provided was that anger is not necessarily a “masking” emotion. It’s in itself valid – it’s a response to something.

Most of us are very few people happy with anger – we are conditioned since as children – and we may not realize that anger often does not manifest itself as a cry and a bad temper. By not acknowledging that frequent presence in ourselves and others, we cannot move on. Workplaces are especially prone to people who accept denial, and Sam told me: “I think being satisfied with your own anger and having a conversation about something that has made you angry is something that can put you in a great advantage in today’s workplace.

Before clarifying the anger at work, Sam suggests that he needs to understand his reaction. “We merge anger with attacks and violence. It’s not those things, but neutral emotions that protect us, let us know and energize us. It’s always an alert for one of three things: boundary violations, unmet needs, or hurt. You don’t need to act on it – just reflect. (Never send angry emails written with the heat of the moment.)

Also, since this is potentially NSFW, Sam suggests we will reach behind the energy bursts associated with rage. “You might call it “f**k you” energy. The idea is that success is the best revenge, and in the context of work, if someone attacks you and there is no diplomatic route to resolve it, you can get over it and do something else that allows you to shine. Sam thinks he has been successful in this way from time to time. “It was a cold revenge and I did it in my career.”

Meanwhile, he suggests getting used to confronting how we feel about our work. “We overcorrected in many sectors and now we’re in a place where people don’t feel like they’re trying a lot of time.” To “surge” involves not being managed well and avoiding proper feedback. “Your boss may be afraid to challenge you directly because he is afraid to upset you.” (It all sounds very British).

Sam’s book is particularly useful for those suffering from rage, and may not know its existence in life. He makes an interesting connection with the current prevalence of anxiety and depression. “The opposite of anxiety, the opposite of worry is relaxation. So I tried all of the relaxation – health, gratitude, journaling, yoga, jogging. And it didn’t work for me. When I started to get angry, my anxiety went down.

He’s right: I’m very surprised at how much I enjoy boxing and weightlifting with a personal trainer. Channeling anger can be fun.

Do you want more? Read this HBR article on “How Leaders Get the Feedback You Need to Grow” by three experts who embrace “big” emotions and discomfort, Kim Scott, Liz Foslin and Molly West Duffy.

This week we’re on AI at Work📝

This week’s most useful report (IMO) is a hot-off-press survey of AI in the workplace from a Boston consulting group spanning 10,600 leaders and staff from 11 countries and regions. This is BCG’s third AI report, with the share of employees who feel positive about Genai “surged from 15% to 55% with strong leadership support.” But most surprising, if employees are not provided with the AI ​​tools they need, over half said, “They will find alternatives and use them anyway.”

This phenomenon of “making your own AI work” is a major and harmful phenomenon. As BCG says, in its measured way: “This is a recipe for frustration, security risks, and effort fragmentation.”

Five Top Stories from the World of Work

Office Lunch Delights: Tips for filling appetizing Tupperware from various foodies, and appetizing tips from journalist Hannah Locke, who has eaten the same lunch every day for decades. I saved £20,000.

Why Cereal CEOs have dropped out of fashion: It may be work stress, and simply being “doing alone” may be enough for more business leaders, but as Anjli Raval reports, companies have increasingly had to appoint them to their first job.

How to Make an Early Exit: Donald Trump left the G7 Conference and spurred him to write about how Emma Jacobs left the conference early. Many of the power plays on display at work are reminiscent of the tactics of the US president.

Why lionizing a genius myth, or something like Elon Musk, is wrong: The idea of ​​a genius has been with us for centuries, but Helen Lewis has written books that interrogate terminology and discuss the role of “scene.” Reviewed by Lucta Miller.

Photo: The St. Paul mark is celebrating its 350th anniversary, and you can get a rare glimpse into its inner sanctuary. FT’s Chief Photographer Charlie Bibby spent a year following cathedral clergy, staff and volunteers. It’s a beautiful reminder of what it is and it costs £16 million a year to run.

One more thing. . .

In his NYT essay, “Where did my all-deep male friendship go?”, Sam Graham Felsen explores the deficit of his own friendship — and why does this happen to so many men. Sam didn’t struggle with connections in his early life, but marriage, fatherhood and work created distance. Men don’t have the same ease as many women ask friends or navigate groups. Often there is an inherent nuisance that Sam works to overcome. We have come a long way since our male friends have publicly and openly declared their praise and love.

View from the working IT community 📸

Deborah Wilson writes, “The view from my office in Devon generally includes our four Guinea chickens and a very territorial white pheasant seen behind the wall.” It’s lovely. Deborah and her bird colleagues receive books adjacent to IT where I work as much as I can stuff into a large envelope. Whether you’re Bucolic or busy, send your work views to isabel.berwick@ft.com.

Before you go. . .

If you like the explosion of audio (or video) at work, we’ve got guests on two podcasts this week. Investors’ Chronicle (FT Publication) talked about how to raise wages on the New Women and Wealth Podcast, hosted by IC journalists Val Cipriani and Madelaine Apthorpe. I slipped in my favorite acronym, “Fobsag,” (the fear of being seen as greedy). It was born from Professor Grace Lodon, who tormented too many women in the workplace and led LSE’s The Inclusion initiative.

Deloitte’s Green Room Podcast joins Kirsten Newman from Deloitte UK Market Chair, hosting Ollie Carpenter and Lizzie Elston about networking (and why it’s not painful). A hint? Please update your LinkedIn profile. People can find you. That’s why you don’t even have to leave your chair.